Sometimes things get so bad that you need to look at them a different way to see how ridiculous they are. The PayPal push to censor what they deem as unacceptable erotica is just such a situation.

Allow me to translate their actions to fiction so you can see how I feel about what they’re doing. We’ll see if my PayPal account gets frozen for my audacity.

If you know someone in the media, or even a local TV station that likes investigative journalism, call them. The more light that is cast on this situation, the better. Ditto for anyone that knows someone in the ACLU. They love class action lawsuits.

If PayPal succeeds with banning one kind of consentual sex, they will move on to other things. Don’t give them an inch without fighting for free speech and against censorship.

—–

Big Bob Johnson climbed on top of his busty 18 year old, barely legal stepdaughter. Her huge breasts strained against the micro bikini as she panted in desire, her eyes dark with lust. He kissed his way between her milky white globes and–

A thunderous knocking at the door jarred them both. “What the hell,” Big Bob muttered.

“Ignore them, Daddy. Make love to me.”

The front door blasted open and men dressed in full SWAT gear poured into the house. Three men dressed in suits, looking like they came out of the Matrix movie followed them.

Big Bob jumped up as his stepdaughter squeaked and covered herself with her arms. “What the hell are you doing. I’m calling the cops.”

One of us suited men smiled without humor. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Mister…Johnson. We’re a higher authority than the police.” He held out a PayPal MasterCard. “We’re with PayPal.”

“Get the hell out of my house.”

“I’m afraid we can’t do that. You see, you were about to have sex with your barely legal stepdaughter. Our terms of service have been changed to disallow that kind of perversion.”

“We’re not related by blood and she’s of age to have sex. It’s all legal!”

“Legality isn’t the issue. It’s our terms of service. Pseudo-incest is no longer allowed.”

“You know pseudo means fake, right?”

“Don’t be insulting or we’ll freeze your assets for 180 days with no recourse. That wouldn’t keep you from missing any house payments, would it?”

“You can’t do that! You can’t do any of this!”

“Oh, but we can, Mister…Johnson. Someone cover up this voluptuous, barely legal girl before anyone else can see her.”

Two men in Kevlar riot gear tossed a blanket over her head. Her muffled protests were incomprehensible.

“Agent Uptight, you need to see this,” a man said from the hall. “We found his wife tied up to the bed.”

“BDSM, eh? You really are digging in deeper. Another violation of our TOS.”

“Really? We’re married and she likes it.”

“Irrelevant. Consent is just confusing the matter. BDSM is rape, even if that’s what she really wants. Every moral human being knows that.”

“Agent, we found the poolboy in the spare bedroom naked. He says Mister Johnson was going to have sex with him. He’s only 18.”

That’s fine. We don’t care about young men. Only young women. He can bang that hot, tight, barely legal male butt all he likes.”

“Agent, we found Bigfoot in the shed out back.”

Agent Uptight stared hard at Bob. “Bigfoot? Really? Is there no low you won’t sink to?”

“He’s sentient, and besides, everyone knows Bigfoot is just as much a myth as werewolves.”

“Shifters shift. Bigfoot doesn’t. That makes you into beastiality, too. You’re never going to see your money again. Take him away, boys.”