I have two chapters written so far in my new story. It’s something like fifty pages of work so it’s not nothing, but it’s definitely nothing in comparison to every other one of my one-handed colleagues’ productivity. Writing is just very slow going this summer. I’m not blocked – I know what this story is – I know the whole thing. I even feel like I can see it as a movie.
The characters so far would be played by I-don’t-know, I-don’t-know and I-don’t-know. I say it like that for obvious reasons. I saw the trailer for The Giver and every actor seems to be a celeb. That only works if they can transcend and sometimes they can’t, so not sure how good it will be. When I read the book, I pictured a wizard style guy not the big Lebowski doin’ it hippie style.
Sometimes I’m watching a movie and I’m like, that’s Meryl Streep. For example, Meryl has a thing she does to feel embarrassed where she puts her hand over her mouth then kind of pats her cheeks and chin with the back of her hand, as if she’s comforting herself. She did it in Bridges of Madison County a lot and in something else that I just saw but can’t remember what it was – maybe it was “a dingo ate my baby” (what the hell was that movie called?). Of course, other times she comes up with a completely different walk or laugh, or something and you forget it’s her altogether.
Dakota Johnson played a silly dork in that TV series she was in. Pretty, but not pretty enough to be beautiful. Horrible bangs. She seems to be playing the same role in 50 Shades only with mouse brown hair, but she does seem to look thinner in it, at least in the trailer.
The trailer made me want to see the film but more likely alone at home on demand with my hand ready to masturbate to the bondage parts. Sad but true. I never read the books – I really should to see if I would somehow be turned on by the idea of it, but I really thought the writing was so bad – okay, that was mean coming from a writer without zillions of fans telling me I’m great. I read the first two pages on the look inside thingy on Amazon and it seemed too much like a British person desperately trying to sound American and also like an older woman trying to sound like she knew anything about 20-somethings.
But then, no one cares. Because I think the majority of people who liked those books were old women. I have a 50-something friend who said she masturbated like she’d not done in a zillion years to parts of that book. I don’t want to throw her under the bus but I don’t remember the last time she had a boyfriend and she’s menopausal. She also said the sex in the book was very risqué so I’m under the impression that no one ever really gave it to her good.
My friend has not read my books, which have been called by reviewers and panners “not for the faint of heart”. If she did, she would be aghast. Maybe suffer a heart-attack from the risqué rather than have an orgasm. Needless to say, I am such a direct person who would pretty much say aloud everything that I’ve written in my books to the appropriate crowds because I don’t think they are so “bad”. Of course, I’d eliminate prudes or children, or gays who don’t want to hear anything about stuff happening to and in a vagina. And P.S., my friend does tend to think I’m on the vulgar side of her prim and proper.
The 50 Shades movie can only be a good thingy, because I imagine there are loads of women who have clueless husbands, or rather, they have this secret desire they just can’t communicate to their boyfriend/spouse about wanting to be dominated. This movie might be all they need to get that dialogue started. And I’m including myself here, apparently.
Another reason I didn’t want to read 50 and didn’t like Twilight is because the main character in both thinks she is ordinary or frumpy, or ugly – one of those. And the attractive men – not just attractive but desirable to the masses, pick THEM. Like, why me? (said in sing-song cry baby talk) You can have anyone in the world but you want lil old me. It’s the Cinderella fairy-tale in a way. But Cinderella wasn’t like that at all.
Cinderella had a rapport with the prince. She liked him and he was kind to her, and when they danced, she just knew he liked her back. There was no – he’s so hot, why does he like me? It was more - I can’t tell him who I really am because I’m not royal and therefore I know he will think I’m not good enough.
I battle that Cinderella feeling a lot for some reason. It’s happening to me now even though I know that I have a lot to offer this man in my life. It’s to do with being an artist and the value that finance types place on it. I personally don’t like dating other artists because there is that competitive thingy where we both have egos the size of volcanoes and that requires too much soothing of egos while both secretly hoping each other will be the more successful one. With a non-artsy guy, especially one who doesn’t get it at all, there’s no need to even get your ego into turmoil because he seriously will ground you into realizing that the drama of it is so fucking fabricated and non-sense-ical.
But on the other hand, I don’t want him to dump me because being with a Dharma-type is just too different than his version of the future. I would rock his boat too much, you know what I mean? It’s one of those – you don’t really fit in with the rest of the family; therefore, I must cut you loose heartbreaks. (Hopefully not, but it definitely is in the back of my mind). It’s happened before.
At the same time, it is nice to hear that people like your work. When you get it from your non-art man, it’s like when Tarzan gets a pat on his head from his ape mother.
My favorite compliment of all time is when someone says I am original. Wow, isn’t that the BEST? It truly is. They don’t know whether they like it or not but they can’t categorize it and it flabbergasts them. I like that even better than actually making a living with my art, the feeding my soul bit, that is, as long as I can afford to at least eat enough to not die.
When I started writing, it was all I thought about. I am going to make millions! I am going to have Harry Potter caliber fame. My books will be the new genre – bondage romance. Needless to say, I never read erotica. I didn’t even know books like that existed past the stories I found on Literotica.com. God, I was so fucking naïve. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. Maybe I will still acquire Harry Potter-style fame (by the time I’m fifty?). I don’t know was a line he said about a zillion times in both the movies and the books. What are we going to do? I don’t know. Who’s behind the Chamber of Secrets? I don’t know. What’s the next horcrux? I don’t know.
Will I ever finish my new book? I don’t know times infinity.
So back to my newbie- Maybe you agree with this, maybe not, but I tend to see a lot more beautiful women than attractive men in my world. And lately, there are also so many more women who are uber-attractive even into their golden years.
Men – meh. I mean, as far as men we watched on TV in the 80s who still look good, like John Stamos. Well, that’s pretty rare. By the way, did you guys know Ian Ziering is fifty? Beverly Hills 90210 was about kids who graduated high school when I did and here he was a zillion years older playing my age. Not a zillion, you know what I mean. Despite his campy turn on Sharknado, he is a golden god. A rare gem.
My story is about several beautiful women through the decades who are kidnapped by one man – It’s called Caryatids (okay, now don’t go fucking stealing my idea because I won’t finish this thingy for another year or two – or never so…carry-on). Beautiful women in ordinary circumstances. They are not models and actresses and they don’t all look alike. Some are teenagers, some are much older. Some have had kids. But they are all women who will not have to be mousified if there is a movie. By the time that happens, if at all, I will have no idea of who the latest gorgeous it girls are because I will probably be too old and out of the loop.
Yeah, come to think, I have no idea how people juggle several jobs and a relationship with writing a book. I don’t know. I don’t know times a zillion.